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Rule # 1d- Love one another

This is the Eulogy I gave for my father a week  ago. My kids have asked if this was really rule #1, and although it was , it was rule 1(d), and I continue to reserve the right to publish 1(a) only upon  my death.

(Hitting my hands together)

Get a move on..lets go..chop chop..

Donna and I hear that in our dreams…Dad was trying to get somewhere.

By now, if Dad was able he would be in his car trying to beat the traffic out of this crowd.

But dad always liked a big room…so you all being here has him smiling- he would have loved this.

He’d also be thanking his friends, like Dick Stein and John Smiley for there unending support during the most difficult of times. Bobbi for building deep relationships with his grand kids and of course the cool video and pics.

And Carol. for the love and companionship that brought joy to his life in the years after Mom passed.

And of course Donna, who was his steadfast advocate, spending day after day at his side- fighting for his health and most of all his dignity. He is proud of you Donna, and so am I.

Most of you know I have a popular blog called 2Catrule.com which sets down rules of life for my children. Many of its 2k subscribers are in the room-

and I have a confession to you all.

I am a plagiarous.

These rules were stolen from lessons my Dad taught me, using his many life experiences

For example:

Rule #17: Learn to live cheap

Dad was from very humble beginnings, and put himself through Drexel on $90 a month from the GI bill,  and a job at night with triple A as a bailsman- he was living in an actual store front.

He told of living on Sunday meal left overs from his then girlfriend Peg’s home, which he kept cold in that window though the week and boloney sandwiches when that ran out.

or

Rule # 22: Never Bring a Knife to a Gunfight

He was always ready for the unexpected. When he and his good friend John Meneudakos missed a plane in Saudi Arabia, they convinced the airline that they were important government officials and had the plane turned back to pick them up.

or

His 3 minute limit per person for public discussion, it made School Board public meetings fast and exciting, he wanted you to get to your point or move on..

But it is the RULE #1 : Love One Another, is the one I will remember most…

Many of you know my mom , Peg, was ill for many years prior to her passing in 2000 . My Dad acted as her defender, advocate and caregiver for those years.

In the week before she died, I came to the nursing home and stood in the hallway looking at my Dad with my Mom.

He didn’t see me.

My Dad was feeding her ice cream and stroking her throat to help her swallow.

He was kind, and gentle and caring…he showed me what is means to love another person completely, and unconditionally.

This was his most important lesson.

My Dad loved his family, his friends and his community.

He loved well, and lived well.

He taught us all so much

Rule # 27: “D” is for Done

At my Dad’s funeral this week I was overwhelmed by the quality and insight-fulness of the Eulogies done for him by the Pastor, Friends and my Sons. In each of them I have found an important lesson.

So I am sharing these with you as important part of the life lessons I have learned.

The first is from an amazing Pastor, Andreas Wagner of  St Peters Lutheran Church in North Wales. I may be bias, but this was one of the best I’ve ever heard – he really tried to capture the essence of my father. I am particularly touched by his explanation of  “Grace” at the end, a very important lesson in itself.

“D” is for Done!

Eulogy for Don Hill, May 28, 2014

“D is for Done!” That’s a true statement from a long time North Penn School District Board Member. His name was, you guessed it, Donald Hill. It’s a statement that we don’t necessarily want to leak out into the student body. But this man, so deeply engaged in his community, so formidable a citizen, with a keen interest in education, would have readily admitted that in his own time he wasn’t always the most motivated student, which of course can never be confused with intelligence. In his own time in high school he could be brutally efficient: “D is for done!” When you think about it, it’s an endearing statement. It makes him very human.

Today, as we gather to remember and honor the life of a one-of a kind person in our community, this statement takes on new meaning. “Done” is his life and many are the deeds accumulated over the course of 82 years. We would certainly not give him a “D” for his life accomplishments, but then we are not in the business of grading someone’s life. There is not going to be a diploma handed out today for Don Hill or some red ink sprinkled over the essay which he wrote between 1932 and 2014 with his own life blood. Yet, I cannot entirely resist the temptation to look at Don Hill through the eyes of an educator. Strictly by common human standards there would be plenty of justification to nominate him for the Distinguished Honor Roll of civic life. Agree with him or not, like him or not, vote with him or not, the man was a tireless presence in our community and a leader in North Penn, and on top of that, he enjoyed himself tremendously in that role.  And that’s a lot to say for a mid-western Lutheran who would have truly understood Garrison Keillor jokes! He enjoyed his life even as he fulfilled his duties! Today, we can only thank him once more posthumously and praise God for a life well lived.

It was a life that began under rather harsh and humble circumstances.  Donald Hill was born on March 3, 1932 in Decatur, Illinois. A few decades earlier, his grandparents had immigrated to the United States from Eastern Prussia, a part of Germany in which the individual was frequently subordinated to serving the greater good of society. His grandparents may be to blame for his life-long enjoyment of civic responsibility, as well as his exceedingly affectionate nature, which made a tap on the shoulder seem like an eruption of intimacy. On top of his German mid-western cultural heritage, which gave him a strong core, he also had to overcome some challenging experiences soon after he saw the light of this world. All too soon! His mother suffered from TB and was hospitalized for a long time. Don spent his early childhood years separated from his parents, living with an uncle and aunt, and hardly saw his dad, let alone his mom. How could it not have created in him a sense that this world is not altogether safe, that one has to be tough to survive? Later on, the family moved to Sewerton, Nebraska, and when, a few years later, they decided to move yet again, they left their teenage son in town with friends to finish high school – by himself. So, this young man learned to rely on his own judgment, to be self sufficient, to fend for himself. For better or worse, it marked him. For better or worse, it defined him. And it made him tough. Then God threw in a nice little detour into the Eastern part of the United States, one that would bring him to our community.  

The draft for the Korean war landed him in the city of Camden. It was there where, by the grace of God and the great intuition of some good friends, this emotionally challenged mid-western German met his perfect counterpart in the form of an affectionate, hugging Irish woman. Her name was Margaret Mulligan. And needless to say, he was marrying not just the woman he loved. He married into a clan of Irish people. And he loved it! They really were a good match, the Irish and this German. Having been raised as an orphan by an uncle and an aunt herself, Margaret or “Peggy” could relate to Don’s more serious and poignant side, but she also brought some fresh air into his emotional life. They got married in 1959 and lived in Camden for a while, as he finished his Electrical Engineering Degree from Drexel University. After that, Don accepted a job at a company that brought many good people to this town but unfortunately closed its doors in 1996: Leeds and Northrup, which is where Don spent his entire career. Predictably, after a while he got tired of the long commute from Camden and, together with Peggy and a very young Bob, they moved into their new home on Franklin Street in Lansdale. A few years later a second child was born. I have a feeling she was called after her father: Donna.

It is probably impossible to list all the involvements and achievements of this industrious man who famously could never sit still and had very little patience.  He probably got initially involved in the community when his children entered school, through the PTA and quickly made many friends. One thing led to another and soon he was head over heels in love – with public life. He served in the Rotary Club, found a niche in the boy scouts organization, making himself very useful without actually having to “camp”. Before long he was voted onto the board of the North Penn School District and it seems like he never looked back. Except, he did look back every once in a while, or should I say, he looked West when it came to one of two things: Chicago Cubs baseball or Bears football. If sports are the defining measure of adopting a new state – and some people say it is – Don Hill never qualified as a true Pennsylvanian. He loved his cubbies.

An outgoing person who always loved a little drama and attention, who enjoyed having  friends around, who loved to travel, there was another very genuine, very private side to him. He was a very caring and loyal family man. When Peggy got ill, he took great care of her and stood by her side, keepings his deep emotions under wraps, spending every day with her and walking with her to the end of the journey. She died in 2000. When his son Bobby decided to have an Irish size family, Don took great interest in all his grandchildren and enjoyed being there for them, attending their important events, taking them to lunch or dinner and showing his proud grandpa side. 

Don was crushed when Peggy died and he became a widower. It was a truly difficult and burdensome time for him and, according to his children, the first two years after the death of mom were simply bad. Gracefully, Don found a wonderful companion during the last dozen years of his life in Carol Baker, who became his partner and travel companion and date and friend. And she too took good care of him, especially during this last horrible year with that sudden and wicked decline in health and that ever worsening outlook on his ability to recover. She stood there with him, as did his children, right through the day that he took his final breath a week ago.

There is a lot to say still about Don Hill, a lot more, which I will leave to others who knew him much better. As a pastor it is important to me to mention that Don Hill believed in something greater than himself and lived his life accordingly. As a Lutheran pastor I am not sure he ever fully grasped the core concept of grace. Could it be that there is something at the spiritual foundation of life that is not earned, not learned, not achieved, not engineered by human dedication, but a simple and free gift?

I imagine that in heaven, God will have to teach Don first and foremost to relax, and I think for the first part of eternity that will drive him crazy, until God finally gets through to him. I can see God looking at Don, shaking his head at this notorious busybody, telling him, “Don, remember, D is for done!” “You don’t have to prove yourself up here. Just be yourself!” “And by the way, Don, thank you for all that you have done down on earth, the people you touched, the work you accomplished. But now relax, and for Christ’s sake, just be!”  “Peace be to you!” And with that, I wish peace and comfort for all of you who have come here today to pay him your last respects. May God bless you all!

Amen.          

My father passed yesterday.

He lived a remarkable life, which I intend cover in upcoming posts. Many of my friends are active readers of this blog along with my children. Friends have been extending their support in emails, facebook posts and calls, and many asked for his final arrangements details:

Donald Hill ( March 3, 1932 – May 20, 2014)

Friends and Family are invited to a viewing/visitation on
Tuesday, May 27th from 6pm to 9pm
St Peters Lutheran Church
211 S Main St, North Wales, PA 19454
(215) 699-4604

Rule #50: Dancing solves problems

“Any problem in the world can be solved by dancing”- James Brown

The Godfather of Soul sure knew what he was talking about when when he said this.

I have no rhythm. I have very little grace. I do however have two left feet. I was not born to dance. But…when I do its incredibly bad, and incredibly fun.

Dancing is something that helps us connect with our emotions and inner-self in the way that words can not. Most of my dancing is to Bobbi’s music selections and can be best described as the “white man’s bogie”, picture Mitt Romney dancing and you got the image right. But, despite this I continue to dance whenever the music or opportunity allows.

You may ask, “if you know you are really bad at it why do you do it?”

I think that the answer to that question explains a lot about life.

Because it doesn’t matter if your good at something, it matters that you enjoy what you are doing. Some rewards come from excelling at something, but most rewards come from just showing up.

Woody Allen said “Showing up is 80% of life”. Although Woody lacked significant judgement in the rest of his life, he was dead on with this statement. Most of what we get in life isn’t from being great, its for being there and involved.

My father use to tell me in his later years that he thought of himself as  very good dancer and that women thought he danced well. The truth is that I inherited all my dancing talents from him, which as  have pointed out amount to zero.

What Dad did was enjoy himself, and when he heard music and saw a dance floor he would not sit back and watch, he would get out and dance. Women liked to dance with him because he was having fun, and frankly of the +75 year old men in the room willing to dance he was one of the few options. But he clearly loved it.

And he taught me this important lesson by dancing.

Bobbi during really stressful times or in the middle of a long winter would crank up the music in our house and have all the kids dancing. Some could dance well, and well some others could dance more creatively, but she always got everyone to dance. These tension breakers let us let go of our pains and depressions in life and remember, at least for that moment, that life is good.

Dancing teaches us this important lesson, that to get out and express what we are feeling, even in an awkward, funny way allows us to embrace life. It teaches us that fear of failure is something to be laughed at, because in the end enjoying life is far more fun than fearing failure.

So when the music starts get up and dance.

Rule #47:  When all else fails help someone

“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.” Henry David Thoreau ( Walden)

Kids..before going on further I have to tell you if your read one thing in your life I recommend it being something by Thoreau.  His view on the world change everything…and made a pathways for everything from the ending of slavery to modern social reform. I keep of copy of Walden in my office and have re-read it many times.

What I believe Thoreau was saying is that we all fight again the resignation that life will eventually defeat us, that we all suffer- and it is that bravery in the face of defeat that defines us.

With all the people that I have worked with over the years the one thing that is consistent is all of them is they all have significant pain and hurt in their lives. The common truth among people is that life is difficult.

The problem I have found is that because all pain is personal, it is too close to our own lives for us to really be objective about fixing it or dealing with it. We really struggle in helping ourselves with our own issues, and because of that we often get into ruts where nothing gets better.  Self pity and hopelessness creep in because we are so close to our own pain we see nothing else but it.

The secret is to focus on helping someone else, and though it you will find the confidence and happiness necessary to deal with your pain.

As I write this entry I am deep in the mist of my father’ serious health problems. After 160 days of seizures, surgeries and 3 hospitals I am at my wit’s end as to what to do to bring peace to his life. I wake up at night and pray (I mean pray hard) for guidance, patience and peace for both him and I. I don’t fully understand the “why’s of life” in this situation, I am just managing it day by day.

But more effort by me won’t change a damn thing.

This morning I got a call from an our friend asking for business advice on a situation he was stuck on. Instead of just answering his questions I made some calls for him, and helped him resolve the problems. It felt really good- I couldn’t solve my big problem but I could help him solve his.  And suddenly it all made sense.

Maybe we ultimately can’t solve our own problems either because the solution hasn’t revealed itself or the solution is to do nothing. But the peace we are looking for will come from helping others and not worrying about our own problems.

The inner focus at the time of crisis is our worse enemy. As pressure builds on our lives we need to find inner peace in the joy that comes from helping others. It helps us avoid doing desperate things in our own lives, and gain the wisdom that Thoreau was talking about.

So kids as you hit the obstacles of life that can not be climbed easily it may be the perfect time to look around in your life for someone else that is struggling. By helping others you will find the hidden strengths of self confidence and purpose that will get you over your own obstacles.

Hope comes from helping others not just helping yourself.

Rule#7: Deal with your truth

I have watched my children, family members and close friends all struggle at one time or another with the “pains of life”. They have all faced loss, unfairness in life and the hurt inflicted by actions of another- none of them have gone through this life without crap happening to them.

When I was growing up my father’s answer to me when “bad things” would happen to me was to tell me to just “deal with it”. He had personally been through lots of pain in his life and his tolerance for ‘whining’ about life’s unfairness was measured in blinks an eye, not hours or days.

I watched my father-in-law, Capt’n Bob as my kids affectionately referred to him, deal with a real physical loss this past week. He was working at his company Queen City Riverboats and while preparing one of the large party boats for transporting people to the Cincinnati Reds Home opener, when he got his left hand caught between the dock and the massive boat. With no time to react his hand was covered with blood and the bulk of his pinky finger rested on the dock.

In classic “Capt’n manner” he looked at his now independent appendage, cursed it and kicked in into the Ohio river. He then ran up the hill to his truck and drove himself to the hospital.

I wish the story had a better ending, that someone found his finger and raced it to the hospital and was re-attached. But all I can report is that Bob is a fully recovered man with 9 fingers.

I spoke to Bob 18 hours later while he was on the way back to the harbor to pick up engine parts. I told him that when you lose a finger you can take the whole day off, but I knew that was never going to happen.

He had lost his finger, complaining wasn’t going to change that, so he was just moving on.

Now “Capt’n 9 Fingers” may have gained a new moniker but he wasn’t going to let the loss of something like a finger define him in anyway. He was going to muscle through it, and just deal with it.

In reflecting about his actions over that day I first thought that I was seeing a lesson in life about “dealing with pain”, but in thinking about it more I realize it is a lesson about dealing with the “truth” of your life.

Most problems in dealing with the crap life throws at you comes from trying to understand the “why” or the ” how could they”‘ of life.  Its easy to replay the boats accidents of your life over and over again asking yourself- why did this happen? why am I being punished?

The truth of life is that things happen both good and bad everyday. And both need to be recognized and accepted for what truth in life is- it is our reality.

It isn’t the toughness that is needed in life to survive,  it the ability to deal with the truth.

The truth is that things happen to everyone, and sometimes its your own fault and sometimes it is someone else’s fault but the blame doesn’t change the truth of what is happening.

Does it really matter if the boat was bounced back against the dock because of pilot error, a boat driving by too fast causing wake or an invisible river monster- the reality is that the finger would be gone regardless.

Too much of our time during crisis is spent looking for the “why is this happening to me in life” and too little is spent on the “truth” of what has happened. And the faster you focus on the truth the happier that life becomes.

In your life you will hear at least some of the following…

“I don’t love you anymore”

“The test show is is malignant”

“Your child is failing chemistry”

” We have eliminated your job”

” It looks like the car is a total loss”

In these moments you can hide from the truth by blaming others, denying its happening or feeling sorry for yourself. But the reality is that these actions are only band-aids that cover up the reality of what is happening to you. Hiding truth, or blaming others for truth just delay the recognition of “what is”.  Learn from what is happening, but focus on what to do next.

Accepting that your wife has left you , that you have loss your job or that you have been cut from the team allows you the freedom to find a new love, a better job and a more exciting hobby. Yes, sadness happens for loss- but joy can from certainty of knowing what has happened and focusing on what will come next in life.

My advice to you is to recognize that bad things happen to ALL people and that acceptance of it isn’t failure, it is life. The acceptance of truth, and the ability to create your own new truths is God’s greatest gift to us. Our truths do not defined us, we define us.

One final piece of advice when you see Capt’n Bob down by the harbor its is probably not a good idea to shout ” hey 9 fingers” because although he only has 9 of them he is certain to give you one of them.

Rule # 72: Remember Valentine’s Day

Love is patient. It does not envy, it does not boast, its is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – Corinthians 13:4-7

I’m not a heavy bible reader, but I find myself going back to Corinthians time and again for direction and guidance in this confusing world. I believe it was written by Paul and was covering the important issues that the early church would face. I think it also makes sense that one of the topics would be the definition of love.
Not just any type of love, but love inspired by the love of God, how God loves us.

I think its critical that the first thing He says about love is that love is patient.

I just got another panic call from my Dad dealing with the effects of the strokes and brain surgery, he was yelling about another fear ( imaging people hurting him, feeling that people forgot him) and telling me he feels alone. He is irrational and sometimes mean at these times, and I went back to that bible passage and was reminded..love is patient. So I listened and calmed him.

Today is Valentines day and I realized the woman I love most was going to get little from me because of my time with my Dad, a major storm and me being sick with bronchitis. But I realized that she loves me and she is patient.

I think its important to celebrate love, and Valentine’s day is an important time to really think about what love is… its a day that needs to be celebrated.

I’m not talking about the flowers, gifts and dinners because they will all come out of love. I’m talking about love in the way God was teaching us, the way that inspired the passage in Corinthians. I am asking you to take the time on Valentine’s day to really ask yourself the same question that Paul was answering…what is love in your life.

Are you patient, are you kind? Are you keeping score or letting things go?

Asking yourself these hard questions, and making yourself reach deeper inside to find the honesty and purity of love in others. I think its a time to reflect on how you love and how you are being love by others. Valentine’s day is a time to refocus on the truths in your life and to steer away from evil in your life.

I want you to understand the fullness of what love can be your life and find others to experience it with completely. I think we can love many people in our lives, but the true connections of patience, kindness and truth are exceedingly rare and should be celebrated.

And like this year, on the rare occasions you can not send the card or gift that one that you love, will find patience and kindness to make you feel the fullness of  love.

It is a blessing to love and to be loved, celebrate it everyday!

And Princess I am truly blessed…Thank you!!

Rule # 43: Time is relative

My son Stephen is finishing up his degrees in math and physics and is preparing to apply to doctorate programs in mathematical physics to focus on special and general relativity. Although he denies it I’m pretty sure he intends to build a time machine and become the universe’s overlord. I’m fine with that as long as can afford his own apartment and gets good healthcare.

In discussing this potential path with Stephen I started thinking about time and space, and if time is really constant. I started thinking that the constants of the universe like time may actually be warped.

Anyone that has ever sat through oral surgery can tell you that the 20 minutes in the chair can feel like 6 hours.. each second becoming slower and slower as the sound of the drill whizzes in you head.

When you are spending romantic time with the one you love those same seconds tick by at lightening speed and disappear in a single breath. When you are with the person your heart belongs to time seems to race by.

I believe that not all time is equal…some minutes are hours and some hours are minutes.

So as a rule it is important that you understand that time is relative to what you are doing and who you are doing it with, and understanding this realivity will give you great power. Maybe even more power than  Stephen the universe’s future overlord.

Being a capitalist at heart I’ve always looked at a relationship between time and money, and this has helped me understand the value of different moments of time. Let’s say that  your time on earth is valued at $3 a minute- wait I’m a capitalist let’s make it $2.99 a minute. So that each moment in time that we use is an actual investment, something we want to get value from in life.

In the moments that drag by like that long algebra class or that really bad relationship each minute feels like its an hour so we are actually only getting the returns of $2.99 an hour.. and who wants to work for 2.99 hr?

But experiences like a great dinner with friends can make an hour feel like a minute and we are getting $180 of enjoyment for each minute we invest. Its the same $2.99 minute but investing it the right people in the right way gets us so much more value in our lives.

Time like money is limited. We can live healthy long lives, but in the end we all die. Having a finite amount of time money to spend makes really need to reflect on how we spend our next $2.99 minute. How we spend this money really define how we will experience the moments of our life.

Always ask yourself, “am I investing my time in positive things that bring myself and the world positive returns?”,” when I am doing something ( investing your time) how much value am I getting?”.

The things that make time go fast, the things that make life pass in an instant are the things you should be investing yourself in more. Find the things that really speed time, and focus all your energy on them.

Keep that $2.99 a minute in your mind and always ask yourself is what I am doing the best way to invest this money.

And Stephen when you do finally conquer this time-space continuum stuff make sure that Dad gets a chance to invest in Microsoft in 1984.

Rule #58: Plan Spontaneity

The picture above was taken on a cruise ship in 2001 approximately 30 minutes before I proposed to Bobbi.  (explaining my mix of expression between joy and stage fright). In minutes that followed I was to knell on the floor, by a table in the center of the dining room and propose to Bobbi with ring in hand.

I was thinking of this moment as we prepared for a cruise this weekend and I realized that all the really great “spontanious moments” in my life were really well orchastrated events. That the fact that they looked spontanious was more of a credit to the planning than the spur of the moment thought.

Yes, there are the rare moments of true spontaneity where you act on whim rather than thought, where you are overcome by the moment. But the moments I had in my life like grabbing a horse drawn carriage to tour central park with my love require planning…knowing where to get the carriage, having enough cash, checking on the weather, planning for a blanket if it was cold..all require planning for the spontaneity of the moment.

When I proposed to Bobbi , beyond the purchase of the ring, I had to plan for hours before- Spoke the the matred’ to get the right table and have him bring out the ring to me with a pillow I had purchase. I selected the table, the champagne that was brought moments after the proposal, and the flowers that were delivered. That sponstanious moment had to be mapped out to well..appear spnstanious.

Women are complicated creatures, whom at 53 I am only begining to understand and appriciate fully. Women say they want men to be romantic and spontaneious, and are constantly disappointed when they are not- this is because they are asking for the wrong thing. Instead they should be asking for careful, thoughtful, detailed planning which is so well done it appears to be spontantious.

I think of the process like getting ready for a big meeting or special date. You can’t just roll out of bed and look like your ready to seize the world and capture the Goddess. You have to send your suit to the cleaner several days before, polish your shoes, pick out the right tie and cufflinks. So that when you finally meet that Goddess you look like you have been waiting for her all your life..the magic spontanious meeting is a direct result of effort.

The noted economist Arthur Frank Burns once said, “Spontaneity has its time and place”

Neither a romantic or poet, Mr. Burns was known more for his monitary policy than his prose. But, I think he nailed it with that expression which reminded me that spontaneity just doesn’t happen.

As you go though relationships in in life it will be the ones you work to keep the planned spontaneity happening that survive.  The planning is vital to success and each other’s happeness.

The secret truth is that with passage of time in a relationship the romance isn’t the first thing to go, its the desire to work on the plan that goes. It doesn’t disappear because of proximity or comfortableness, its disappears because we stop planning. Being thoughtful requires thought.

2014 I made a pledge to myself that I was going to make the Goddess in my life feel like one. What I realized was that 90% of this was the process of planning out my schedule to make time for “dates” and ” conversations”. It takes constant effort to make it appear effortless.

A lot of understanding life centers around the understanding that what people are asking for is not always what they need or what they really want. If you associate the request for “spontanity” in a relationships as a request for more planning, life will become earier to understand.  Nothing in life worth anything will come to you without effort, and nothing worth having can be kept without more effort.

Rule #4: Pray

“The wise man in the storm prays God not for safety from danger but for deliverance from fear.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I know at this point in your lives, young and sure of the certainties of the universe, when I talk about God and Prayer you look at me as if I am either naïve or stupid. You look at my belief in God as a belief in a magician, and a refusal to look behind the curtain to expose the trick.

I’ve often thought of how I could convince you of God’s existence and tie it to the science and philosophy that you have learned in high school and college. The challenge has been to be able to explain something that is felt more than it known, it exists in a way that is different and unique to everything else in the universe.

My conclusion has been to talk to you often about my faith, and my understanding of God and to pray that it will one day guide you when you need it most, to a closer relationship with God. I accept that I can not make my children believe in anything, and that the curse of the gift of having intelligent, well educated children is that they will challenge everything you believe and accept nothing as certain until they discover it themselves.

So I accept that God will come into your lives when you are ready, and that as long as you respect my right to believe differently, I can wait.

This week has been a very challenging week. Its one of those weeks that you will experience that drives you to your knees looking for hope and explanations.

When I got the call on Tuesday afternoon that my Dad had a stroke and was being transported by helicopter to Abington I was in sort of a state of shock. Although 81, my father has had a busier social calendar than all the Kardashians put together- dinners, plays and community actives are the norm for him. The thought of him being gravely ill just didn’t match up with my reality.

As the week progressed and I watched as he suffer the indignities of illness in the loss of speech, memory and function I struggled with the whys of the world.

I know that our bodies are fragile things, and that we all will fail the end. But to see him suffer through multiple seizures, riding the roller coaster of improvement and decline, has been difficult to understand.

I have had the blessings of a caring wife, loving children and supportive friends through this time. I have been given the gift of the strength of my sister and brother-in-law who have made this pain a shared one, and much less.

Prayer has become a central part of my coping mechanism for the week. My personal prayer and the strong positive energy of all our friends that have prayed for my Dad and our family have been felt. I truly believe that those prayers have helped us through the week.

In the process of prayer I have been given the gift of comfort from God. A comfort that comes from knowing that I am not praying for intervention to what will be, but an acceptance of what will be, and the courage to overcome fear.

Fear, the sense of being without hope and direction, is what I turn to God to help for the most. Help for myself, my family and in particular my Dad this week.

God is answering the prayers for my Dad by having his family near, his long time companion Carol at his side and many friends supporting him.

God is answering my prayers by having all the people in my life continue to be there – and has repeatedly shown me the way through the kindness of others. My prayers are being answered, even if not through recovery and intervention, but through hope and courage.

I ask you, my children, to draw from this experience and understand the power and purpose of prayer in your lives. The simple act of going to your knees and saying that you accept the things that you can not control of all things in life, and you thank God for his love and support. The recognition that you are not in control gives you comfort in what will be.

I know the cynicism of youth will make this hard to understand, but use difficult times like this do not to move away from God, but draw closer to him.

Abraham Lincoln said, “I have been driven many times upon my knees by the overwhelming conviction that I had no where else to go.”

I think about that quote often, because within the despair of hopelessness is the absolute clarity of God.

This is an important life rule, and one that I’m making a top 5. I do that with a lot of thought, hoping that the ranking itself will remind you to try prayer in your life.

So as  take a moment when thinking of Grandpop today, and pray, if only for his sake, and thank God for his gift of this week to him and our family.  I’m not asking for you to believe but to simply experience what prayer can be.

You are loved and prayer will help you remember that you are…