Rule #112: Not Everyone Gets a Trophy
In a recent blog and comment exchange with Matthew, I was reminded of an issue you will face as adults: whether to take a stand against the “everyone gets a trophy” culture.
The debate that sparked this was over which actor played the best James Bond. I made my case for Sean Connery—obvious reasons: character fit, screen presence, acting chops. Matthew countered that each Bond brought something unique and should be appreciated for their own take on the character. Fair point, but I reminded him: this was about picking the best Bond, not handing out participation trophies.
I blame Jimmy Carter.
Aside from his “I struck a deal with North Korea” presidency, his era in the mid-1970s also gave us something nearly as disastrous: the rise of the “everyone’s a winner” philosophy. Parents of Generation Y (that’s you—born between 1978 and 1990) decided that sparing kids from hurt feelings mattered more than competition. It started small on soccer fields across America: first equal playing time rules, then not keeping score, and eventually—trophies for everyone.
Now, I get that self-esteem matters. People need encouragement and pride in their accomplishments. But lowering the bar so everyone can step over it? That doesn’t build strength; it erodes standards. Look no further than our schools: falling test scores, while spending more per student. We’ve created a system where if a kid answers 4 × 4 with 17, they get partial credit for using a pencil correctly. That’s not education—it’s grading effort instead of achievement.
Penn Jillette, the Las Vegas entertainer, calls this the “self-esteem movement”: if we just believe we’re better, we’ll become better.
It reminds me of the movie The Music Man. Professor Harold Hill (no relation, sadly—so don’t expect royalties in your inheritance) teaches kids to play instruments using the “think method.” The result? A painfully off-key band that the parents convince themselves sounds wonderful. Say something loud and long enough, people start mistaking it for truth.
Now, don’t get me wrong—sometimes participation is worthy of praise. A child with a disability completing a run deserves recognition. A person finishing a marathon after months of training deserves celebration. But those exceptions don’t justify lowering expectations for everyone. The truth is most of us are capable of more than just showing up.
I’m proud of each of you for the character you’ve shown and the accomplishments you’ve achieved. Some of those things are truly “trophy worthy.” But not everything is—and that’s okay.
As a businessman, husband, and father, I’ve failed far more often than I’ve succeeded. Looking back, maybe a dozen moments in my life are worth real recognition by others. That rarity makes them meaningful. If every sales call or new hire came with applause and a trophy, the few true successes wouldn’t stand out—they’d be cheapened.
So here’s my advice: praise and support your children. Be present at their games, concerts, and recitals. Tell them to push harder and dream bigger. But don’t tell them greatness comes from merely showing up. Teach them that it’s found in effort, persistence, and accomplishments that genuinely matter.
And above all—tell them not to grow up like Jimmy Carter.
Love, Dad
Cries of woe about the next generation are beneath this rule list.
I said that all the Bonds were legitimate, not equal. I wasn’t giving everyone a trophy, I was saying they all played the game. And its not an easy game to get into.
I refuse to believe that we are lowering our standards for our children, or that giving every kid a trophy is a horrible thing. Give the kids a trophy, its really no big deal. The real problem is when they don’t recognize the value of the trophy, because they are told it is more or less than it is. There is nothing wrong with rewarding participation. 80 percent of success is showing up, and working with a team is also a skill to cherish. But pee wee soccer never decided a life either way.
Children aren’t dumb or coddled today, the opposite in fact. They are exposed to and manage a number of stimuli that didn’t exist for older generations. And they compete on a global scale, which is not the end of the world. America fell from number one in some areas, but we held the number one spot mostly while we were the only modern school system in the world. The other nations caught up, and are only beginning to run ahead. Get rid of summer vacation and NCLB and I think we’ll do ok.
You are absolutely right on the larger point, being able to process success and failure for what they are is a vital skill everyone should have. 4×4 does not equal 17 and you can yell at anyone who says it does, I just don’t think they exist. Boom. Super comment.