Rule # 914 Saying “Wow”: Violence, Curiosity, and the Case for Listening
Hello — it’s been awhile. For more than two years I’ve been on a hiatus from blogging and podcasting. I want to thank the 101,032 subscribers for your patience, and apologize to my children for not posting words of wisdom during this absence. Turning 65 required a lot of self-reflection, and that pause was necessary before I could share again.
This past week lit a fire in me. Seeing the horrible shooting and death of Charlie Kirk reminded me how short life is and how important it is to connect with our children and friends about the important stuff. That graphic act of hate made me realize I was wasting time in a life that is fragile and all too short. Regardless of your opinion of what Charlie said, acts of evil like his assassination must be recognized and condemned — not rationalized. Evil is evil; failing to recognize this simple fact gives it power in our lives.
One of the central themes of this blog has always been recognizing evil and how to respond. Some moments — like this shooting — are so extreme they make you say “Wow.” When you see the inhumanity people can inflict on one another, whether it’s an innocent woman stabbed to death on a train or a public personality shot, you find yourself audibly saying, “Wow.”
I’ve been saying “wow” far too much lately.
I tried to raise my kids to value debate, tolerance, and love. My son Matthew disagrees with almost every political viewpoint I hold. He even laughs at me sometimes. But he would defend my right to hold those views, and he loves me unconditionally as I love him.
In the age of Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, and X we’ve become so tribal and defensive that acknowledging a person can be kind and decent — while disagreeing with them on abortion or immigration — seems impossible. My good friend Tim Scroger recently visited and had a long, spirited conversation with Matthew. They debated opposite positions time and again, and they left joking and friendly — not because they shared a vision of life, but because they respected each other’s humanity.
That’s the kind of “wow” we should celebrate. The shock we feel comes because the basic respect and curiosity needed to listen to those who disagree has been lost to tribalization. Being right has become more important than learning.
As Ted Lasso said, “Be curious, not judgmental.” (Often misattributed to Walt Whitman, but true nonetheless.) Simple, tolerant listening is a powerful antidote.
I’ve begun to hate Facebook because posting has been weaponized against other tribes. Defriending and blocking have soared since Kirk’s shooting. Sometimes I say “wow” when I see us forget this is the killing of a fellow human being — an act of hate that cannot be justified.
Bernie Sanders’ recent comments were among the most powerful I’ve read: “Political violence, in fact, is political cowardice. It means that you cannot convince people of the correctness of your ideas, and you have to impose them through force… Every American must condemn all forms of political violence and intimidation. We must welcome and respect dissenting points of view.”
That’s a different kind of “wow” — one that reminds us of the best we can be.
My advice to my kids during these moments: unite with your humanity. Recognize evil and work to diminish it. True love is to love even when you disagree — to find common values and be an agent of good, not evil.