RULE # 37: THE TWO CAT RULE
If you are going to write a blog eventually there will be a moment when you will offend people. I’m starting with this rule to take the suspense of waiting for that moment. Contained within this rule are comments that will offend some cat owners, some women and some people. But if I am going to lose readership I might was well do it early in the process to keep my focus on my intended audience my children.
This rule is focused on helping my sons, but I think Abby and Rachel can learn a bit from the rule as well when the time is necessary.
This rule is not being about a “cat person” or a “dog person”, because you kids know that our entire family are “dog people” (and should remain so for many generations, and I intend to haunt the first great grand child how is not) . Its not that we have a disdain for cats, its just that they have an inherent creepiness likey caused by their staunch independence.
I also think my feelings for cats stem from my love about the jokes surrounding them. One of my personal favorites ( of the PG13 versions) is:
“A little girl cried. Daddy, Daddy Fluffy is dead. That’s OK dear. Fluffy has gone to Heaven to be with God. What would God want with a dead cat?”
But I digress, this rule isn’t about cats its about the importance of selecting a good mate.
Most of the happiest people I know have a life partner whom they love and share things with, and who helps them build relationships with friends and family rather than alienate people. The saddest people I know feel trapped in toxic relationships where their partner is not sharing the world with them and actually making them withdraw from the world.
When its right its golden, when its wrong its crap.
Selection of a dating partner is the key to success, because it is from the dating experience that you will select your eventual mate. Unless you use a mail order bride service, which I do not recommend.
During the dating process no matter how much you deny your baser elements you will be driven by appearance and sexual attraction beyond any other element. OK, you can intellectualize it and say its about “intelligence” and “personality” , but in the end your date selection is often driven by raw chemistry. Unfortunately this drive can sometimes put you on the crazy lane on the relationship expressway.
The erotic passions, impulsiveness and “free spirit” attitudes of many potential women to date make them seemly “fun” people filled with “life”. But often these women are the automobile wreaks on the expressway that cause us to slow down and stare as we go by. Often what attracts men isn’t the healthiest things but the coolest things. And unfortunately when you are in the prime dating pool 19-28 yrs old you don’t have the life’s perspective to be able to sort the “fun and adventurous” from the ” dangerous and crazy”.
Impacting this selection process is the fact that all men are pigs. (I know there will be a future RULE for my girls based on this fact). I love you sons, but you like the entire male populations are pigs. Some men can control their pig-like qualities, and with maturity learn to channel them to respectful admiration of women. But in the prime dating year you will be driven by these less controlled and balanced urges and you will want to enjoy the fullness of life in a pig like way.
Although pigs are considered to be among the most intelligent creatures on the earth, they still eat garbage and willl mate with any sow that wanders into the pen. Pigs selection skills are extremely poor.
Sons you need a universal measure something to gage if the road is leading you to paradise or crazy town. You need to be able to evaluate the actions of your dating partner and be able to clearly say…this girl is whacked and I’m out of here.
That brings us back to the cats.
Many normal and stable women decide that they want a cat for companionship, often it is a kitten they had as a child. Occasionally these normal stable women feel a need for “Fluffy” to have a friend…and we are still clearly outside of Crazy-ville at this point
But the moment two cats become three, then four ,then five…crazy has arrived.
Yes, there are normal intelligent, non-crazy women with more than 2 cats in the world but my life’s experience has lead me to the conclusion that that the probably of non- crazy drops with cat ownership. Below is my estimate by number of cats:
- < 1 cat Crazy probability < 35%
- 1-2 cats Crazy probability 37%-40%
- 3 cats Crazy probability 84%
- 4 cats Crazy probability 90%
- > 5 cats Crazy probabilty 99%
As I said there are the exceptions to the rule, women with 4 cats who are perfectly normal, but this isn’t about finding a diamond in the sand it is about using the probabilities of dating to find a great life partner.
My rule is to compare everything you encounter with women you date with the “crazy meter” of the 2 cat rule.
Of course the obvious situation of walking into an apartment and finding 3 cats and feeding the 5 feral cats outside ( yes feral cats that she leaves food out for count too) is one you should run, not walk away from.
The challenge is to compare other actions and life choices to this standard. For example, if you date a woman and you find out that she has 10 piercings and tattoo of a satanic symbol on her thigh you should ask yourself is that crazier than owning 2 cats. To help you with this first example I will give you the answer…YES.
This rule is about selection, control and finding an ideal life partner.
Choose wisely sons, there will be few decisions as important in your lives.