Rule #16: Rachel’s Rule
“Jeder nach seinen Fähigkeiten, jedem nach seinen Bedürfnissen.” – Karl Marx
“From each according to their ability, to each according to their need.”
I have a confession: I’m a communist.
At least at home I am. When it comes to raising kids, I have little patience for making sure everyone gets the exact same slice of the pie. Instead, I focus on what each child can contribute and what each child needs. In our family, the fairness of the system comes from the fact that the “central government” (Bobbi and I) concern ourselves with what’s best for the whole family—not with tallying who got what yesterday.
Once, when I worried about being “fair” to Eevee, afraid another sibling might be getting spoiled at his expense, I asked her about it. Her response? “Face it, Dad—we’re all spoiled.” Wise words, and true.
The truth is, our family doesn’t live in a world of scarce resources. Everyone gets more than they need. What changes are the circumstances—sometimes one child needs more attention, more help, or more support than another. It’s not about who gets enough, but about how the surplus is distributed.
Still, every now and then my capitalist heart bleeds (green, of course), and I worry about fairness. Effort doesn’t always equal reward, and sometimes that disconnect nags at me.
Case in point: yesterday the boys, with far too much free time, pointed out—using word count analysis—that Rachel has been mentioned in this blog far less than her siblings. The average number of mentions per child was fifteen. Rachel? Three. That stung. Had the central government failed her?
Here’s the thing about Rachel: she’s one of the “easy” ones. Homework done. Room clean. Handles obstacles with quiet dignity. While her her older siblings take pride in teasing and tormenting her, she manages them with the skill of a lion tamer. Whether it’s a sharp comeback or a well-placed left uppercut, Rachel can handle herself. She keeps them all in line.
But the problem with being consistently responsible, positive, and successful is that sometimes you fade into the background. The loud ones, the needy ones, the troublemakers—they draw the attention. The steady ones risk being overlooked.
That’s not just true in families. It’s true in life. Some of the most remarkable people we know are the ones we barely notice, simply because they do their jobs so well. In business, it’s the quiet professionals who keep everything running smoothly. Ironically, because things work, they rarely get the recognition they deserve.
So here’s Rachel’s Rule: Find the people who are quietly doing things right—and make sure you recognize them. They make life easier for all of us, and they deserve to be seen and heard.
I’m not ready to abandon my central-government-style parenting just yet. But remembering Rachel’s Rule helps keep me balanced. Whether you’re the “fork in the socket” type or not, the lesson is the same: honor the steady ones, the strong ones, the ones who make life better simply by doing what they do.
And Matthew—don’t worry. I haven’t given up my Rand Paul, ultra-capitalist leanings. I just admit that every once in a while, a little bit of communism isn’t such a bad idea.
Love, Dad