Rule #34: Be Present
We live in a world where we rarely experience anything while it’s happening. Through the miracles of technology, we can multitask virtually every moment of our lives. With iPhones, iPads, netbooks, and notebooks, we can be in two places at once—at least mentally. We no longer have to choose between answering office emails and watching our daughter’s soccer game. We can do both!
When I was a kid, there was no such technology. I still remember getting our first color television when I was nine and the distraction it created in our lives. Suddenly, we could sit as a family and watch TV, interacting first with what was on the screen and only second with the people in the room. Watching Hogan’s Heroes in color might not sound cool today, but to a nine-year-old in 1969, it was very cool.
I’m not saying my generation was any better. We embraced every new gadget with as much passion as today’s iPhone releases. Technology is seductive. Cool is sexy. I’ll admit I’ve googled the new Apple Watch a dozen times and stopped just short of pressing the “buy” button.
The problem isn’t technology. The problem is focus.
Technology is addictive, and it’s easy to fall into its trap. I’ve had to stop and think about the few things in my life that really demand my full attention.
For me, riding a motorcycle does that. It requires complete concentration. You can’t text and drive (though I’m sure some idiot has tried), eat a quarter pounder, or argue with your kids. The act of riding is almost hypnotic in its intensity. One… two… three… you’re focusing on the experience to the exclusion of all else—or you die.
We all need to find those hypnotic moments in our lives—moments when we’re fully engaged in what we’re doing and who we’re with. Rarely does someone literally say, “One… two… three… deeper and deeper… focus only on me.” But wouldn’t it be wonderful to be present like that—to stop worrying about what’s happening somewhere else and simply experience that moment with one person, completely?
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that my best memories come from being fully absorbed in the moment. When Abby came home the other day after making the school talent show (go Abby!) I took her upstairs, turned off the TV, put down the iPad, and asked her to tell me the whole story. I was entranced. Her tone, her expressions, her word choices, her joy—everything. I wasn’t reading a Facebook post; I was experiencing Abby. In that moment, she was the hypnotist and I was her willing subject. It was wonderful.
Social media and texting have tricked us into thinking we can “check off” interactions without really engaging. But my 12?year?old hypnotist, Abby, has taught me otherwise. There is something richer out there—something worth our full attention.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not burning my iPad or iPhone. They’re fixtures of my life, and I’m far too addicted to give them up completely. But I’ve learned to recognize the opportunity to be “hypnotized” by real moments—entranced by the absolute attention I give to another person.
One… two… three… melting, melting… snap!
Love, Dad