Rule #27a – D is for Done
A couple of my kids have been struggling with personal as well as academic trials. It hasn’t been an easy couple of months, and in times like this, I miss talking to my Dad for perspective. My Dad led a remarkable life. Although he wasn’t much for fatherly talks—neither Donna nor I got many of those—he usually had a story or two for a situation. And on some rare occasions, the stories were actually true. I miss those stories.
I encourage you to re-read the eulogy delivered by Pastor Andreas Wagner of St. Peter’s Lutheran Church in North Wales (Rule 27). Over the past year, I’ve returned to it many times and found comfort in Pastor Wagner’s discussion of “grace.” His words gave me perspective on my life and my Dad’s.
The grace of God is, at the same time, the most complicated and simplest thing to understand. My Dad had the grace of God, though I don’t think he really understood it—he was just too damn busy.
I watch my son Stephen earn over 190 credits in Math and Physics with a 3.4 GPA and struggle with the last two courses, feeling overwhelmed. I watch my son Andrew work two jobs (along with Ashleigh), push so hard for a new home, and plan a wedding through enormous effort. All things I am proud of them for accomplishing… but I wonder: did I ever truly teach them about God’s grace?
The simple truth is this: although your achievements are great, the love I have for you is unconditional—as is the love from God. In my effort to encourage strong, hard-working kids, perhaps I forgot to teach that embracing God’s grace is the end goal—not reaching the finish line. My example of building businesses and working hard may have given the impression that life’s goals should be measured by accomplishments.
For perspective: I failed Biology in my freshman year at Penn State. At the time, it felt like the end of the world. I thought I would have to become a ditch digger for the rest of my life and live in poverty. That failure defined me because I let it define me. I didn’t understand what depression was back then (remember, this was years before Dr. Phil), but I believe that’s what I was going through.
Looking back over the past 36 years, I realize God had a plan for me—and that plan included that F. I was being led somewhere, and the lesson learned from that failure taught me more about life than any C ever did. Sure, it felt awful while it was happening, but I didn’t fully understand that all of it—the A’s and F’s, the failures and successes, the money earned and lost—meant very little. What mattered was the love of God and the comfort of knowing I was living my life in His plan.
I miss my Dad and Mom every day. This week marks the 15th anniversary of my Mom’s passing. As I reflect on their lives, I know they loved me, and they were loved by God. Everything else they did—or didn’t do—mattered about as much as that F in Biology. Trust me: everyone reading this should be grateful I was never encouraged to pursue a medical field—that F saved lives.
What makes a difference isn’t money or grades. What makes a difference is the love we show each other and the grace of God.
I know you kids question the existence of God, and I know this talk of unconditional love may sound strange from a man who set high expectations for each of you. But if you understand this one thing—that I am proud of you because of how you live your lives, not because of what you accomplish—that is enough. The rest will make sense later, with or without belief in an Almighty.
So, as you work on your next final or wait on another table to save money, stop for a moment and recognize who loves you. Embrace that grace. It isn’t the grade from some college professor that defines us—it is the grace shown in my love for you and the love from God. And with certainty, I can tell you: you are both worthy of that grace and blessed with it.
Love, Dad