Rule #151: Respect Alcohol
When I returned from a great trip to New Orleans last year, I was amazed that everyone in that city isn’t a raging alcoholic and morbidly obese. Sitting at the Bourbon Street Oyster House Bar at 9 p.m. on a Sunday night, I realized I was the only sober person in the place.
New Orleans has always been one of my favorite cities, and (except for a repeat by the Eagles) they’re my pick for winning the Super Bowl this year.
That trip made me reflect on my own experiences with alcohol—the good, the bad, and the lessons learned along the way.
Full disclosure: I’ve never been a big drinker, although I have been drunk a few times. My college roommate, Phil, still laughs about my 21st birthday party, when a few bottles of Olde English 800 (I DO NOT recommend) had me promising him, the world, and God that I’d never drink again—if only the room would stop spinning.
Later in life, health issues—Barrett’s esophagus and Type 1 LADA diabetes—forced me to cut alcohol down to the occasional drink. So, I’ve come to see alcohol through the eyes of someone who has to limit it… but still believes it can be a wonderful thing when used wisely.
Because here’s the truth: drinking can be awesome, but only if you respect it. Do it wrong, and it will ruin your life and possibly the lives of others. It’s like motorcycles or firearms—fun, exciting, even social, but dangerous if you’re careless. Alcohol won’t make you smarter in the moment, so all the real wisdom has to come before the first sip.
Here are my rules:
Step 1: No spontaneous drinking
If you didn’t plan for it, you don’t drink. Simple as that. Meeting up with friends or grabbing dinner unexpectedly? That means either no alcohol or a hard limit of one or two drinks—depending on your size. Treat it consistently, no exceptions.
Step 2: Know your end game
Before drinking, figure out how you’re getting home. And “figure out” doesn’t mean wishful thinking. It means a plan: Uber, a sober friend, or sleeping over. Those are the only options. Not “maybe I’ll be fine to drive.” Not “I’ll just wing it.” Take your keys out of the equation. Pretend you sold your car that afternoon.
Step 3: It’s a marathon, not a sprint
Binge drinking always struck me as a rookie mistake. Nobody wants to be the first drunk person at the party. If you want to be entertainment, wear floppy shoes and a rubber nose. The smart drinker paces just behind the crowd—slow, steady, and in control. You’ll enjoy the night longer, stay safe, and still have stories the next day.
Step 4: Know the difference between buzzed and stupid
The first signs of a buzz are your stoplight, not your green light. The trick is finding that balance—enough to loosen up, not enough to be praying to the porcelain gods. You’ll screw this up a couple times, and when you do, learn from it. Everyone has their tells. For me, it’s when I get overly talkative and my right eye droops. For Bobbi, it was cursing like a sailor. Figure out your warning signs and stop when they show up. That’s where the James Bond sophistication lives—not the Foster Brooks stumble (Google it, kids).
Step 5: Be with friends
Drinking should be fun and social, best done with people you trust—the kind you’d be fine hanging around in just boxers and a T-shirt. Stay away from angry drunks. We all know one or two: the people who, after their third Bud Light, suddenly hate their boss, their spouse, and the entire universe. Don’t waste your time with them. Drink with friends, not with assholes.
As the Eagles head into this year’s playoffs, I wanted to remind my kids: with the right respect for alcohol, you can have even more fun. It’s all about preparation, pacing, and surrounding yourself with the right people.
GO… E-A-G-L-E-S!
Love, Dad