Rule #133: Tell No One – keeping a secret
Everyone has secrets. Some are big—like a past mistake you’d rather leave buried. Some are small—like covering the gray in your hair. Whatever the case, if you don’t want something known, the safest way to protect it is simple: tell no one.
That’s Rule #1. If you keep your mouth shut, your secret is safe. Not your spouse, not your best friend, not your priest. A secret is only a secret if it never leaves you.
Rule #2: If you can’t live with Rule #1, tell just one person. But understand: the moment you do, you’ve already failed. People don’t always mean to betray secrets, but they’re not wired to keep them either. Everyone has that “one trusted friend” of their own. And before long, your private truth becomes gossip. ( unless you kill that person)
Personally, I tell my secrets to my dog Nittany. She’s trustworthy and can’t be bribed with peanut butter or table scraps. My other dog Piper, on the other hand, is a gossipy little traitor who’d sell me out for an old milk bone. Even dogs can’t fully be trusted.
Rule #3: There is no Rule #3. Once more than one person knows, it’s no longer a secret—assume the whole world will find out. And never, ever write it down. Don’t record it, don’t text it, and absolutely don’t email it. Email is the digital equivalent of a billboard in Times Square. If you want to keep something private, keep it off the internet and out of writing altogether.
Now, if despite these rules your secret gets exposed, you only have two real choices:
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Deny. If you were disciplined and told no one, there’s nothing to confirm the story. Your truth is as good as anyone else’s, so deny it until people lose interest.
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“So what.” Admit it and shrug. Everyone has regrets, everyone has guilt. Pretend it’s meaningless and move on. It won’t erase the consequences, but it might blunt the sting.
The one thing you cannot do is blame it on someone else. Passing the buck only makes you look weaker and more dishonest.
So take it from your flawed Dad, some things are best unsaid, unwritten, and unknown. The surest way to keep a secret is to keep it to yourself.
Love, Dad