Rule #71: When in Doubt, Seek Structure
Throughout life, you will find yourself lost at different times. Lost in direction, in purpose, in meaning. In those moments, you will feel most vulnerable to depression and self-harm.
When focus slips, life becomes scary and lonely fast. Confidence—so hard to build—can disappear almost overnight if not fed a steady diet of affirmation. Even simple things turn into uphill climbs once you start sliding down the slope of uncertainty.
The important truth is this: you are not strange for feeling this way. You are human. Nothing is more certain than uncertainty.
I’ve been there—in bad relationships, in moments of doubt, where you can’t tell what someone feels toward you, and suddenly you doubt yourself. Intelligence becomes its own curse. Instead of just buying groceries or picking out clothes, you’re caught in a spiral of overthinking every action, every word, every glance. Believe it or not, I’ve stood paralyzed trying to pick the right shoes—me, a man who only owns four pairs.
When these clouds gather, you need to seek structure.
As a father of six and the owner of several businesses with mountains of debt, I’ve had my share of uncertainty. There were days when choosing between loafers and oxfords felt harder than calculus. And I’ve learned that when life unravels, the way back is always through structure. Start simple, and keep adding until your feet are steady again.
It begins with the basics:
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Set the alarm. Same time every morning, weekends included.
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Go to bed at a regular time. For me, it’s 11 p.m.
Sleep and waking may seem like trivial things, but they are the foundation. Start here, and all else follows more easily.
Sometimes, structure means asking for help. A spouse, a friend, a sibling—say the words: “I think things are not headed in the right direction, and I need your help.” It takes humility, but also strength. For a time, it may be powerful to let someone else “hold the lead” while you regain your footing. Asking for help might be the hardest thing you do, but also the most important.
Then, keep adding structure. Exercise, daily and fanatically. Routines—grocery shopping, laundry, cleaning. Build a framework of certainty around you. The world may be chaos, but within that framework you’ll find safety and confidence again. We may not all want to be dominated (unless you’re into that sort of thing… just saying), but we all crave predictability. Knowing what happens next. Alarm clocks and schedules give us that.
And just as important as adding structure is avoiding what tears it down. Three things in particular will sabotage you:
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Unhealthy people. Addicts, enablers, drifters—they’ll pull you into their chaos.
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Alcohol and drugs. They mask pain for a night, but the problems are waiting in the morning, often bigger.
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The internet. Yes, the internet. The endless dopamine drip of clicks, likes, and retweets can fool you into thinking you’re connected and grounded. You’re not. Take a month off during times of crisis—Donald Trump and Beyoncé will still be there when you come back. So will 2catrule.com.
The world is uncertain. It always will be. But structure—small, steady, simple—will bring you back to confidence and purpose. I’ve said it before in this blog, but it bears repeating: few things make you feel more confident than making your bed.
Love, Dad