ule #102: $300 Charge for Vomiting in the Cab
Yesterday in Fort Myers, I took a cab from the hotel to the airport. Both back windows had 8×10 signs screaming:
“$300 CHARGE FOR VOMITING IN THE CAB”
My first thought: when did these signs become necessary?
My second: am I sitting in the seat that made them necessary?
The driver, reading my mind, explained. The city requires the signs after a passenger hurled all over a cab, the driver demanded $300 for cleanup, and—wait for it—the passenger’s lawyer argued he didn’t have to pay because no sign had warned him vomiting might incur a fee.
Yes. Someone lawyered their way out of paying for their own barf.
I pictured this poor driver, just trying to make a living while fighting off unregulated Uber drivers, having to explain to a judge why a grown adult should pay for the mess they made. And the lawyer saying, with a straight face, “Your Honor, my client was never informed there would be a charge for vomiting in someone else’s car.”
Welcome to America 2024, where nothing is your fault unless someone posted a laminated warning sign.
I asked the driver why there weren’t signs for “$500 if you pee” or “$1,000 if you break the window.” He shrugged and said, ominously, “Not yet.”
This is the culture we’ve built: a sugary drink needs a warning label; you need a tax to stop you from drinking too much; we believe the government should protect us from ourselves. And then we’re shocked when there are signs everywhere telling us the obvious: don’t barf in other people’s property.
Part of being an adult is simple: if you break it, you buy it. If you make the mess, you clean it. You don’t need a sign. You don’t need a warning. You just need to act like a functioning human being.
We can do better. Clean up your own vomit.
Love, Dad