Rule #444- Never buy a Tiger

Rule #444 – Never Buy a Tiger

During the isolation of the COVID-19 pandemic, Bobbi and I found comfort in the soft glow of Netflix on our TV at night. With the world outside feeling distant and strange, we leaned into the digital worlds created by Ozark, Better Call Saul, and countless others. Streaming became more than entertainment—it was a tether to something familiar when everything else felt upside down.

In the chaos of empty grocery shelves, endless Zoom meetings, and socially distanced birthday parties, Netflix helped make the surreal feel a little more manageable. It was a dose of sanity when the world seemed, at times, completely insane. So, thank you, Netflix…

Well, almost.

Because then came Tiger King.

And with it, a cast of characters so bizarre, so outlandish, so completely unmoored from reality, that it made me question if the virus was really the scariest part of 2020. Watching Tiger King was like rubbernecking at a car crash—you know you should look away, but you just can’t. I was hooked long before Joe Exotic’s rendition of “Kitty Kitty.” And like roughly 30 million other Americans, Bobbi and I binged all seven episodes in one night.

But now, with those seven hours permanently erased from my life, I find myself asking the question that all good TV should prompt:

What did I learn?
And more importantly:
What do I want my children to take away from this strange, wild ride?

1. Never Buy a Tiger

Yes, I was shocked too. You can apparently buy a tiger for $2,000—that’s $600 less than what I’ve spent on Whiskey and Charley (our very well-behaved Labradors ). And while that might sound like a bargain, let’s be clear: owning a tiger does not mean you’re quirky—it means you’ve gone fully off the rails.

This revelation forced me to amend our long-standing “two-cat rule.” Effective immediately, that rule now includes a size clause. One tiger is more than enough to consider you legally insane.

So let’s just be clear, kids:
If you ever find yourself looking at tiger prices online, please close the browser and call me immediately.

2. Crazy Is a Gift That Gives Every Day

Watching Joe and his crew violate every social norm, legal standard, and common-sense boundary in each episode reinforced one thing: crazy is a gift that keeps on giving. And like most gifts you don’t want, it’s hard to return and impossible to ignore.

In life, we surround ourselves with all kinds of people—some quirky, some creative, and yes, sometimes a little odd. But here’s the deal: there’s a big difference between quirky and crazy.

• Quirky is collecting rare coins or fermenting your own kimchi.

• Crazy is bringing apex predators into your living room and running a zoo out of your backyard.

Quirky will make you smile.
Crazy will make the FBI show up.

So trust your instincts. And if someone seems like the kind of person who might someday be featured in a documentary titled Murder, Mayhem and Madness—run.

3. Freedom Can Be Abused

One of the greatest things about America is the freedom we enjoy. You can start a business, dye your hair purple, start a chicken-worshiping cult, or spend your life inventing new kinds of vegan cheese. We cherish that freedom—it’s what makes this country unique.

But with that freedom comes a reality: it’s extended to both the sane and the insane. That means the same laws that protect artists and thinkers also protect people like Joe Exotic. Drawing the line between personal liberty and public safety has always been tricky, and in America, we usually err on the side of more freedom.

That’s a good thing. But there’s a catch.

Freedom without common sense leads to chaos.
When someone’s “lifestyle” includes meth labs, cultish zoos, and tiger-themed country music videos… maybe it’s time to ask if we’ve taken the First Amendment a little too far.

4. Read a Book and Take a Walk

After months of quarantine, it’s easy to forget what normal even feels like. When your entire social world is digital, and your daily step count barely breaks three digits, you start to lose perspective. Netflix, Amazon, social media—all of it became a kind of anesthesia.

But here’s what I’ve learned:
100 hours of binge-watching can’t do for your soul what one hour in the woods can.

Read a book. Take a walk. Breathe some fresh air that doesn’t come from a vent. We have to reclaim our attention, our presence, our sanity. Especially now.

Because if Tiger King seemed normal to you by Episode 4… it’s time for a reset.

5. Don’t Confuse Fame with Value

Perhaps the most disturbing thing about Tiger King wasn’t the tigers, or even Joe himself—it was the realization that in our culture, fame has become its own form of value. The characters in that show weren’t heroes, or even role models—they were deeply broken people. But they were famous.

And fame, in today’s world, seems to trump everything.

So, kids: don’t confuse being well-known with being worthwhile.
Don’t let views, likes, or followers define your sense of value. There’s a kind of fame that feeds your ego but empties your soul. Stay far away from it.

Final Thought: What Tiger King Teaches Us

The truth is, COVID messed with our perception of reality. We became afraid of people, afraid of air, afraid of each other. So we retreated behind screens, behind apps, behind layers of distraction.

And there, in our little bubbles of Wi-Fi and hand sanitizer, the lines between entertainment and insanity got blurry.

But Tiger King taught us something. Or maybe it reminded us of something we already knew but forgot:
There is a line.
And when someone crosses it—when crazy becomes dangerous, when freedom turns into chaos, when fame becomes a substitute for meaning—we have to have the courage to call it out.

So take this lesson with you, kids:

• Be kind, but not naïve.

• Be curious, but keep your eyes open.

• And above all else… never, ever buy a tiger.

Stay safe. Stay grounded.
And maybe next time, just read a book instead.